UAZ From Russia With love

Having never visited Russia or been a keen consumer of Vodka, MICHAEL MWAI was not sure how his date with the only automotive product from the land of Iosif Vissarionovich Dzhugashvili would turn out. He ended up cancelling his gym membership. Find out why.

As I arrived at Russ Motors to pick up the UAZ Hunter 4x4 jeep, the formidable, indestructible Russian off-roader, I was visibly anxious. I wondered if we would bond, connect, get along.  This is a rugged, no-frills, vehicle that has been built to survive in the toughest regions and conditions known to man. The Land Rover Defender seems like a sissy in this company and the Mahindra Scorpio has been transformed into a super model as far as looks are concerned.

Just manoeuvring this 4x4 out of a parking lot requires a dose of steroids and swig of an energy drink. I needed to muster all the physical and mental strength to drive it for an hour, leave alone a whole weekend. Physical because it has no power-assisted steering and mental because it’s the most uncomplimentary vehicle to be seen in. In an era when every automobile company is striving to outdo the next with flair and elegance, the UAZ Hunter has made no attempts to look good. Engaging the four forward gears is not for the faint-hearted and that’s just the beginning of the story. Switching from two-wheel to four-wheel requires shifting two levers by moving one violently forward and the other backward with equal exertion.

No sooner had I began this experience than I was thinking up ways to get the car off my hands. I looked for my colleagues. I first encountered, John, our editor, who burst into uncontrolled laughter at first sight of this brutally honest 4x4. I handed him the keys and he politely declined the offer. That’s not the reaction I got when I dangled the keys to the Range Rover Sport we featured in the September issue of Autozine. After careful persuasion, I managed to get him and Trevor, our rookie motor journalist, behind the wheel and off we went on a short spin.

Trevor will drive anything on four wheels and that’s a blessing. He even has the physical might to take on a vehicle this rugged, so I later set him off on an extended drive on the highways of the city. Earlier I dared to take on the by-pass that connects Mombasa Road to Langata Road. While the UAZ was in its element here, I was clearly shaken up like a cocktail. The Hunter rolled along kilometre after kilometre without seeming to feel the effects of the uneven bypass. It instead conspired to transfer all the information through the suspension up through the steering wheel to my body. After a few kilometres, I could tell I will be aching all over. My palms were already developing blisters. How is it possible that a vehicle can be so brutal with not a hint of refinement?

I shut out the torture and pushed the 2.4-litre diesel engine and it groaned arrogantly with intent to prove me wrong.  The harder I depressed the right pedal, the louder it screamed back at me. The speedometer shook its way to 80kph then 90kph. The frame was rattling and the road and engine noise merged to create a racket similar to a scrap yard in full operation.  I heard hooting and looked into the rear view mirror. The mirror was shaking like a leaf before a storm while visibility through the plastic rear window was nil. I opted to use the side mirrors and a Toyota Land Cruiser was tailgating me, anxious to get past. I gave way and the cabin was soon filled with red dust. This SUV is clearly more porous than the Land Rover Defender. It allowed so much dust in that by the time I emerged on Langata Road, I was looking like a young local footballer, with hair dyed red.

I was glad to be back on the tarmac but I soon realised things were no better. Speeding down the smooth Langata Road presented one of the scariest moments of the test drive. I was screaming for dear life as the vehicle almost lost control at the first mild bend just before Carnivore. Gosh, I was not even doing 100kph. Driving the UAZ is like playing Russian roulette. How naive could I be, attempting to test the speed limit of a vehicle that will not do more than 120kph. I wished I had studied the spec sheet carefully before jumping into this contrivance. A tad wiser, I scaled my adventure with the Siberian off-roader to a crawl.

Appeal
As I cruised down the back roads to Nairobi’s leafy suburbs, I had time to explore the UAZ a little more. I fiddled the dashboard in search of a radio. None. A cigarette lighter port to charge my cell phone. None. Not believing, I parked the vehicle by the roadside to think about what I had got myself into. The dashboard is bare, stripped of everything other than a few analogue dials. One indicates the power being generated, the other shows how much fuel is left in each of the 39-litre fuel tanks. I decided to take matters into my own hands and stripped down the overhead canvas. Finally I could enjoy the breeze and even earned some admirers in growing evening traffic. Curious drivers wondered aloud what car I was driving. There is no labelling on this vehicle. Surprising for a vehicle that hopes to sell more units.

I spent more time getting opinions and where better to start than with the innocent children in the neighbourhood. Judging by their reaction when I attempted to photograph them in the car said it all. Not giving up, I took my family out to the mall for some bread. Reactions were as lukewarm as they were candid. My son was speechless. He looked for the biggest hat he could find to shield him from the sun and his fans. His mum and little sister were not too bothered but clearly they had seen better transportation.

The UAZ is clearly not a city vehicle. It’s best suited for farms and game reserves. It suffers no fools and will cause injury without even moving. I knocked my knees sore just walking around the car. The bumpers must have read my mind and lashed out at me as I walked round to open the bonnet.

Its Andoria 4CT90 2,417cc four-cylinder diesel engine generates 87bhp@4000rpm. The torque is 183Nm @1800rpm. Not figures to earn you a beer at the local but it gets the job done in the end. The claimed fuel consumption is 12km every 100km at a steady speed of 90kph. Under the hood, the first thing that caught my eye was a bulb that reveals itself as the heavy bonnet opens. I was puzzled at what it was meant for until the need to turn on the lights arose. It’s actually the instrument back lighting. How ingenious!

In conclusion

This is not an SUV. It’s a simply a vehicle which can be described as ‘a thing for transporting people or goods, especially on land, such as car, truck or cart’.